Naturalistic observation of the institutionalized milspouse

Let's turn this thing on it's head, shall we?

Instead of agonizing (I don't think that's too strong of a word) over being the perpetual squeaky wheel, who refuses to just get oiled already -- let's try to unlock the secrets of the other wheels.

I'm not really up on my Art of War, but isn't there something in there along the lines of, "to defeat your enemy, you must know and understand them"?

Saying that probably makes all of this sound very adversarial...

Many Problem Spouses out there stay polite on the outside, but on the inside they are on the defensive, and feel that their position is under constant attack.

The institutionalized milspouses, and the military command structure, crash ahead in the direction that they always have, heedless of who or what may lay in their path.

The "who" is likely to be a Problem Spouse, and the "what" is their rights -- to hold an opinion, to make their own decisions, and to be respected as an individual and not just a "add-on" to their servicemember.

My new strategy -- since my involvement is likely to last for a while, I think I'll use it as an opportunity for study. A little bit of naturalistic observation. And what could offer any more of a "natural habitat" to an institutionalized spouse than volunteer meetings, command-sponsored social functions and living on post/base?

What makes them tick? What motivates the behaviors that drive me so crazy? What is it about me that makes them react to me the way they do? Why do they not feel that their rights and individuality are being stomped on? Is institutionalization an inevitable outcome for the military marriage that wants to survive? If not, what's the true source of coping within institutionalization that is shared by Problem Spouses who stay happily married to their servicemember?

Finding an avenue of expression

I have a million things that I want to say, a million expressions and critiques and questions that don't seem to have any avenue of "safe"expression in my "real" life.

I've been composing blog posts in my head, but after creating this space, I'm typing and deleting over and over. I feel like I forgot what I wanted to say. Like it's all so jumbled up from being stuffed inside my head that it may never find a release in coherent sentences.

So maybe I'll just start with some questions. Those can stand on their own for now.

What is it about the military lifestyle that causes women to define themselves by, and to alter their behavior to conform to, the nature of their spouse's job?

What drives her to accept responsibility for fulfilling the demands of the "side billet" that accompanies her spouse's "real" billet, if he is married?

Is this "self-institutionalization" a way to cope with the never ending sacrifices and bullshit that come along with a military lifestyle?

Maybe at the end of the day, the only way to justify sharing your spouse and your personal life to the degree that you must, is to fully immerse yourself in the cause of all your problems. Taking it in as part of your identity, maybe it removes the sting, and makes it all easier to bear?